There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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