how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
