Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
