I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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