you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
