and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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