dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
