You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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