Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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