I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
