Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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