Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
