Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
