we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My vagina just clenched in fear
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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