Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
