i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize