when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
wow bdsm is so cute
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