She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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