Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
