A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
