she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Swine flu is the new snow day.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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