@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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