so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
