so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i need some magic done to my vagina
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
