it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
