Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
