its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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