She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i've created a new STD.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
