Well apparently he's into motor boating.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
