just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
