Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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