i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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