You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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