I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
