We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
