Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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