im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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