My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
