don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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