i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
