sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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