Jerry, you need to find god
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
