I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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