the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
