so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
