Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
