Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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