Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
