It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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