A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
