I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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