so explain again why im purple
no
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm too high and old for this...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
