Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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