Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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