Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
