I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
