i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
