My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
