i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
