I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
