At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
