I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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