Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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