If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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