She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
