Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
