I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
