so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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