When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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