Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It's Friday. Sex?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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