if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
