1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize