So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
barbara walters just said penis...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
