Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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