if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
