Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
