Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
