Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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