How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
