Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
