Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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