Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
