I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
