she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
