Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
