I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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