I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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