wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
