enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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