She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
