If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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